This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
Randomize
