forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Randomize
