Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
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