And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
Randomize
