i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
Randomize
