there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
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