This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
Randomize
