4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
Randomize
