I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
Randomize
