I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
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