i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Randomize
