I just pynch a tree in the face
Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
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