last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
Randomize
