I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
thus making me awesome and them whores
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
Randomize
