i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
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