I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
I want to fling myself into the sun
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
Randomize
