So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
