I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
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