Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Randomize
