At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
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