Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
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