I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
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