Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
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