while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
Randomize
