So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
