This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
Randomize
