I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
Randomize
