Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
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