I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
