at some point to night u and I have a 'meeting' too...(1-737): I hope so
Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Randomize
