You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.�
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
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