Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
Randomize
