are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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