i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
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