I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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