Farmville is her only friend.
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
Randomize
