I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
Randomize
