I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
Randomize
