When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
If I had your ass I would rule the world
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Randomize
