Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
Randomize
