He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
Randomize
