I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
Nobody cheats on THIS.
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
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