just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
