This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
Randomize
