I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Randomize
