Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
Your topless pictures make me question reality
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
Randomize
