He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
You can't special order awesome
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Randomize
