good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
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