She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
Randomize
