I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
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