i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Randomize
