I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
Randomize
